


The Two Sides of a Coin

by Fluffifullness



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Blindness, Hurt/Comfort, Love/Hate, M/M, Unexpected Twists, Unwanted Emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-13
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-21 02:22:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluffifullness/pseuds/Fluffifullness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Why are you doing all of this? Making some weird drug, ordering those idiots to attack me, and then helping me when you could just as easily have done any number of bad things to me instead… None of that is even remotely rational, and it pisses me off."</p><p>Having laid down a flawless plan for putting an end to the greatest annoyance in his life, Izaya inexplicably backs out at the last second. The results of his actions cannot be undone, and they only seem to worsen as the informant finds himself faced with a mess of unbidden, one-sided emotions and a near-helpless, very irate bartender. (formerly titled "Two Sides of the Same Coin")</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my third _Durarara!!_ fic. I'm going to have to wing some of the finer details, as I haven't yet read past the first volume of the light novels and am still sorting out how, exactly, I feel that Shizaya works best.
> 
> Also, forgive my weak attempts at pretending to know how medicine works. ^.^*

Shizuo gasped, bit back another yelp of pain, and again scanned his surroundings desperately for some form of help. The sharp snap of a finger breaking echoed loudly in his ears as his tired nerves again alerted him to the damage that was being done.

As much as he tried, though, it was difficult in his increasingly disorientated state to make out much of anything beyond the looming faces of the third-rate lackeys whose “friends” littered the dusty floor of the empty parking garage in unconscious heaps.

He hadn’t gone down without a fight.

Of course, there had been only so much he could do with his heart pumping adrenaline and strong tranquilizer throughout his body.

Darts. Clever, really. Primitive – but clever. He figured this band of thugs had Orihara Izaya to thank for that bright idea.

As Shizuo again came to dwell on this last thought, one of the thugs drew back his fist and swung it heavily into the blonde’s exposed stomach. As Ikebukuro’s strongest, Shizuo was certain that any punch of _his_ would easily have had ten times the effect that this guy’s did, but the impact was still sufficient to knock his breath away. He struggled desperately to draw oxygen into his lungs as his captors laughed wildly somewhere above him – enjoying the feeling of power.

Having barely recovered enough to speak, Shizuo immediately launched into a tirade of curses and death threats. The men were apparently surprised at his continued belligerence, but few seemed particularly concerned by it.

One, however, was intimidated in spite of the blonde’s injuries and the restraints that bound him firmly to a thick concrete pillar. He shouted at the ex-bartender to shut up before delivering a relatively weak kick to his much-abused ribcage.

Shizuo cried out in spite of himself; the bastard had made direct contact with several already-broken bones. Determined not to give his tormenters any further satisfaction, the enraged blonde resolved to keep quiet regardless of anything still to come. He sank his teeth into his lower lip, tasting blood.

As the pain again began to subside slightly, Shizuo’s attention was gradually drawn to the rhythmic sound of someone’s nonchalant applause echoing from a distance. A single set of footsteps resounded loudly in the large space as the person unhurriedly approached the group from behind the pillar to which Shizuo was bound.

Shizuo tried to turn his head in order to identify the intruder, but every nerve protested against the motion, and he had to satisfy himself with listening intently to the goings-on.

The clapping halted abruptly as a familiar voice jarred Shizuo into complete awareness. “Ara~, how impressive. I expected no less of your group, of course – although I do seem to recall asking that you avoid harming Shizu-chan too much before I had a chance to see him.” The voice’s owner seemed to have reached the group of men, for the footsteps stopped. “Am I wrong?”

Shizuo felt his heart rate quicken, and he gritted his teeth in a desperate attempt to keep himself under control.

“Tch. Orihara Izaya,” one of the thugs growled.

“Bastard, what are you doing here? The time you and the boss agreed on isn’t until a few hours from now.”

“But it looks like it was a good thing that I came, huh? A few more hours and even Shizu-chan might have stopped breathing.”

Shizuo heard two men standing close to him collapse to the ground, their shoulders bloodied by Izaya’s throwing knives.

As soon as the group of unsuspecting delinquents had processed this and reached the conclusion that the man before them was responsible, they weren’t slow to acknowledge him as a serious threat. The two injured men scrambled to their feet and made a hasty getaway.  They were quickly followed by the rest of the crowd.

“You can tell your boss that our deal is off!” the informant called cheerfully to the retreating men.

“You’ll regret starting a fight with us!” one of them turned to shout before disappearing with the rest of his posse into the gathering darkness of the night.

“ _Hai, hai_ ,” Izaya said dismissively as he finally turned his attention to the now-unguarded Shizuo.  As he finally entered the blonde’s limited field of vision, he grinned mockingly. “Shizu-chan, you don’t look good at all! Well, I suppose that’s partially my fault, but-“

“Stop! Just stop, or I swear I’ll break this damn chunk of concrete and use it bash your head in! I’ll fucking kill you! Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill…” Shizuo jerked wildly at the combination of rope and chain that held him securely in place, all efforts to remain calm cast aside.

His enemy knelt in front of him and teasingly ran a hand through his bloodied hair. “I suggest that you take another look at your situation, Shizu-chan. Exactly which one of us do you think is in the better position to do any killing here?”

Shizuo grew silent as he felt a chill of foreboding pass through him. His struggles were clearly as painful as they were fruitless, and Izaya certainly had a point.

The informant smiled approvingly. “That’s better, isn’t it?” He moved his hand down so that it was resting gently on the exposed skin of Shizuo’s neck. “Maybe I _will_ just kill you now, after all…” he said, more to himself than to the other man, who was still quivering with barely-controlled rage.

“You bastard,” Shizuo spat, “you sure talk big for someone who had to rely on a two-bit gang of teenagers to take me down.”

“Don’t you think you talk big for someone who lost to a two-bit gang of teenagers, Shizu-chan?” Izaya responded as he deliberately started to unbutton Shizuo’s dress shirt. The blonde, frantic with indignation, struggled to slow his breathing as he looked helplessly on.

But as the informant’s hands continued to tickle his bare chest, Shizuo could contain his fury no longer. “W-what the fuck are you doing?!  Don’t tell me you went so far as to hand tranquilizer to a bunch of street punks just so you could have your way with me! You sick bastard!”

Izaya paused. “Tranquilizer? Whatever are you talking about, Shizu-chan? Of course it’d take more than a little tranquilizer to keep a monster like you from running wild. Ah, but now you look so confused… Don’t worry, I’ll give you a few hints. Think about this for a second. It looks like you’ve lost quite a lot of blood, but do you feel even remotely drowsy right now? You were shouting pretty energetically when I got here, too…”

The informant had his favorite knife out in an instant, and he leaned forward with it until its sharp tip was piercing the skin under Shizuo’s right eye. “Remember this? I cut you with it before, right? In the middle of our fight. ” He smirked. “Well, Shizu-chan, I took the liberty of retrieving it from where it fell back then. I was going to have my assistant run some tests on your blood – you know, just like Shinra’s always wanting to do.”

“Stop talking and untie me so I can kill you already, you coward,” Shizuo growled, jerking again at his restraints and spitting a gob of blood at Izaya’s feet.

“Hold on for just a moment, Shizu-chan. We were just getting to the best part. Have you figured it out yet?” Izaya pulled the knife away and brought his lips to within an inch of Shizuo’s ear.

_“It took a near-intolerable amount of time and effort, but the end result of all those little gambles was a substance which can temporarily limit your strength to that of an ordinary human’s.”_

The informant shifted again so that he could take in the blonde’s expression. It was priceless – a satisfying mix of rage, disbelief, confusion, and hope.

Laughing, Izaya added, “Of course, this _was_ a test of sorts. I have no way of knowing what side effects there may be.”

“Why…?” Shizuo was no longer even looking at Izaya. He gazed, trance-like, at the floor, where his legs were twisted at unnatural angles in several places amidst a growing pool of blood.

A moment passed during which the two exchanged no words. Izaya sighed lightly to himself and finished unbuttoning Shizuo’s suit. The blonde did his best to ignore this even as the informant started to slip the fabric back and off of his shoulders.

“Because of something like this…?” he whispered hoarsely. “What’s the point in going so far just to mess with me like this?” He swallowed painfully and willed himself to stay calm, stay calm…

“You really do like jumping to conclusions, don’t you, Shizu-chan?” Izaya sighed again. “Just relax for a minute, okay? This might hurt a bit.”

And the informant began to explore the blonde’s chest with his slender fingers, stopping several times to probe the dark spots where bruises were already starting to form. Of course, he never looked even slightly penitent when his activities caused Shizuo to wince or grunt in pain.

“That’s enough, dammit!” the blonde finally hissed after Izaya’s hand located yet another broken rib. “If you’re gonna kill me, quit beatin’ around the bush and do it!”

“Be careful what you wish for, Shizu-chan. You just might get it.”  But the informant had already finished with his little examination and was now standing with his hands on his hips as he scolded Shizuo. “Honestly… I would have expected you to hold up better than this. I don’t have anything to bandage the cuts with, and those ribs of yours are going to be a real pain in the ass.”

But before the blonde could even think to respond, the informant had moved out of sight. Shizuo heard the chains on his hands clink lightly against cement as Izaya tugged somewhat gingerly at the rope that was hampering his movement.

“Talk about overdoing it…” Izaya muttered before abruptly turning and walking off in the direction from which he had first come.

Shizuo listened to the informant’s receding footsteps and was finally able to relax a bit. He didn’t enjoy being near the flea under normal circumstances, but the pain he was feeling – coupled with Izaya’s strange behavior  – was increasing his usual tension a hundred times over.

Still, the ex-bartender was certain that no one but the informant and the gang he’d apparently hired knew where he was or what condition he was in. It was the middle of winter, the sun was sinking in the sky, and he’d lost a lot of blood. He didn’t like it, but the flea was probably the only one he could rely on to save his neck.

He was just beginning to really regret not calling Izaya back when he suddenly felt the informant’s cold breath tickle the back of his neck.

“Don’t tell me you thought I’d just leave you here~? Even I’m not that cold-hearted!” Izaya teased when Shizuo inadvertently breathed a little sigh of relief.

“I wouldn’t put it past you, flea,” the blonde shot back.

“If that’s the case, maybe I shouldn’t worry about getting these chains off of you,” the informant responded as he brandished a bolt cutter where Shizuo could just see it from the corner of his eye.

“…Is that what you left for just now? No, more like – where the heck did you get that?!”

“I had someone make it for me,” Izaya answered vaguely as he brought the piece of hardware toward Shizuo’s hands and found a place where he could safely break the chain. The metal clattered loudly as it hit the floor.

Shizuo saw a possible chance and resumed his previous efforts to wriggle out of the rope that was still wound about his forearms.

“Although I’m happy to see Shizu-chan so lively, it would really be better for both of us if you would stay still while I finish here.” Izaya was already tugging at the rope, trying to loosen it enough to slip his knife under it.

“And what will you do after that? Huh? Are you planning on killing me right away, or did you have something else in mind?”

Izaya’s smile went unseen by Shizuo, but it was there in his voice when he took ahold of one of the blonde’s undamaged fingers and jerked it back so that a loud snap rang out. Shizuo gasped. “This sort of thing really isn’t my style, but you _would_ do well to remember that I’m the one in control here. And I honestly doubt you’ll be able to do much to change that – even with your hands free.”

Shizuo bit back the stream of insults that threatened to escape his lips at any moment. It was clear enough that in this situation words were his only viable weapon. He was defenseless, completely at Izaya’s mercy.

The thought disgusted and unnerved him. It _infuriated_ him.

Then, with a few more moments of untangling and unknotting and a final twist of Izaya’s knife, Shizuo found that he was at last freed from his restraints.

And there was Izaya again, down on one knee and smiling as smugly as ever. The bartender readied himself for what could only be a very one-sided fight.

To his surprise, however, the informant simply reached past the blonde to carefully guide his throbbing arms into a more comfortable position. Shizuo couldn’t help but cringe at even this much movement.

His moment of weakness was short-lived. “Why are you doing all of this? Making some weird drug, ordering those idiots to attack me, and then helping me when you could just as easily have done any number of bad things to me instead… None of that is even remotely rational, and it pisses me off. Explain. Everything. Now.”

“Would you like me to spill my guts to you before or after your little friends show up with reinforcements?” Izaya asked patiently as he removed his jacket and wordlessly passed it to his irate companion.

Shizuo was surprised enough to forget to make a comeback. He eyed the black garment suspiciously. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

“You can wear it, obviously. Or were you _only_ shaking with rage this whole time?” Izaya smirked as the blonde’s eyes widened just slightly. It was true; there had been plenty going on to distract him from the cold, but he could no longer ignore what had been explicitly pointed out to him.

He gingerly took the jacket without using his fingers – most of which were broken – and awkwardly draped it over his own shoulders. The endeavor was a fairly painful one, and he received no help. “I won’t thank you,” he growled in an attempt to curb the other’s amusement.

“That’s to be expected.” Ignoring the blonde’s venomous glare, Izaya continued, “Can you manage walking at all?”

Shizuo looked incredulously at Izaya, who was already back on his feet, before gesturing at his mangled legs. “What the fuck does this look like to you?!”

Izaya shrugged nonchalantly. “Who knows? A normal person wouldn’t even be conscious with injuries that bad. You can move your arms, though, right? Here-” And he turned so that his back was facing his enemy. “Grab on.”

Recognizing Izaya’s intention to carry him on his back, Shizuo laughed. “No way. A shrimp like you? I could beat you with or without my usual strength – any day.”

Izaya glared at the blonde. “If you’d prefer, I could always cut off a few limbs to lighten the load.”

But Shizuo’s arms were already wrapped about the informant’s shoulders, and Izaya didn’t hesitate to pull Shizuo unceremoniously onto his back. He noted the blonde’s little yelp of pain with due satisfaction before standing and starting toward the exit.

When the two men at last made it outside, Shizuo’s vision was starting to blur, and Izaya was, predictably, noticeably winded. The two paused to rest, and, after a moment of adjustment to his slightly brighter surroundings, Shizuo was able to make out a familiar black-clad figure a short distance off. His eyes went wide, and he struggled to get away from Izaya.

The informant was glad to let him go, and the blonde hit the ground with a shout of pain and surprise. His whole body lit up with agony, and he lay dazed by it even as Celty quickly appeared at his side.

_What happened to you? Are you okay!? … Did Izaya do this?_

Izaya peered over at the text. “Ah, isn’t that a bit harsh of you, Headless Rider-san? Don’t forget that tonight you’re only here to do a job for me.”

Shizuo grunted and looked searchingly at Celty. “What’s going on? What did this louse ask you to do?”

_I don’t know. He only wanted me to wait here for a bit. Although he did come out earlier for a tool of some sort…_

“Right, right. No need to worry, Shizu-chan. Your friend hasn’t betrayed you or anything, and of course she doesn’t know any more than you do.” Izaya reached down and roughly pulled the blonde into a vertical position. His next words were directed at Celty. “Well, then, if you wouldn’t mind taking this back to Shinra’s with you, I’ll meet you there shortly.”

The dullahan hesitantly reached out to support Shizuo as the informant turned as if to depart.

“Hold it! You’re not leaving until you give me some answers!”

Izaya stopped briefly but didn’t turn back around. “I’m sorry to say that I have neither the time nor the desire to answer any of your questions at the moment, Shizu-chan. Just be good and let the grown-ups take care of things, okay?”

And, ignoring Shizuo’s continued threats, the informant quickly rounded a street corner and disappeared from sight.

“Shit,” the blonde hissed at last, trembling with rage and worsening pain as he leaned helplessly on his friend and tried to make sense of his situation.

Noticing how shallow Shizuo’s breathing was getting, Celty gently helped him sit down with her next to her motorcycle. Her fingers clicked rapidly across the keypad of her phone.

_Does it hurt a lot?_

Shizuo nodded after a moment of hesitation. “Probably less than it normally would, though. You know – because it’s me.”

_Will you be able to handle the ride back?_

Shizuo relaxed a little more. “Yeah, probably. It’s not far anyway, right?” He could hardly stand the thought of mindlessly allowing Izaya to dictate his next course of action, but he undeniably needed Shinra’s medical expertise – and, more importantly, his pain meds – as soon as he could get it.

_I’m sorry about all of this. I can’t offer you much right now in the way of information, but Shinra and I will do our best to help._

“Celty…” Shizuo smiled, grateful for his friend’s concern. “Thanks.”

He remembered what Izaya had said to him before – ‘ _temporarily limit your strength…’_ – and he knew that it was true. He could sense the drug working inside of him, could feel the false security of temporary weakness and the pain that had resulted from it.

He sighed to himself. This wasn’t the sort of strength he wanted. It was a cage, something that stole his freedom of choice and chained his will to a false promise.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Shizuo was barely conscious by the time he and Celty arrived at Shinra’s apartment. When the dullahan dismounted her black bike and saw that rivulets of blood were still streaming forth to soak the man’s clothes, she nearly panicked.

“Is that you, Celty? This is perfect! I was just about to head out for a walk alone, but now I can go with you!” Shinra’s cheerful, oblivious voice rang out suddenly in the crisp winter air. His exuberance, however, lasted only as long as it took him to read the distress in the way Celty remained stiffly frozen in place. He came a bit closer and gradually recognized the limp form that was barely being held upright by her shadows.

“Shizuo-kun?! Oh my –  What happened, Celty?! Are you hurt, too?”

_I’m fine. Shizuo’s injuries are really bad, though. We have to get him upstairs now, Shinra._

Shinra nodded, and Celty’s shadows immediately engulfed the blonde. Within seconds, a very disoriented Shizuo found himself laying on the couch in Shinra’s apartment. “Ah… seems like you guys are getting way too worked up over this…” the blonde murmured sluggishly as Celty disappeared from the room and Shinra set to work with his medical equipment.

When the doctor tried to stick an IV needle into the crook of the man’s arm, however, Shizuo pulled away with surprising vehemence. “Don’t. It doesn’t hurt that bad.”

“This is just a blood transfusion, Shizuo-kun. You need it,” Shinra said sternly. He was glad when the blonde relaxed his guard and allowed the brunette to continue. As he set to work on Shizuo’s ruined legs, Shinra said, “You were attacked by a pretty big group, huh?”

“Yeah… They had some help, though,” Shizuo muttered sulkily.

“So, how many did you take out first?”

Shizuo felt his strength returning just slightly as the fresh blood made its way into his veins. He remembered the few men who had still been out cold when Izaya had carried him out of the garage and smirked a bit. “Maybe fifteen? Probably won’t wake up for a while.”

“I thought so,” the doctor laughed. “Did Izaya have something to do with it?”

Shizuo’s eyes flashed at this. He grew tense and had to clench his teeth to maintain control over the sudden rush of anger that flooded his remaining blood with adrenaline.

The doctor took advantage of the blonde’s reaction to reset the first of his broken bones. The blonde shouted, surprised, and Shinra leapt back to avoid being hit.

“What was that for, Shinra?!”

“You’re the one refusing to accept anything for the pain! This is the next-best thing!” Shinra said defensively.

Celty chose this moment to reenter the room. The doctor turned away from the glaring Shizuo to greet his lover. “How’d it go?”

_I called several times, but he won’t pick up. There’s nothing particularly useful on the net, either._

“I see… That’s a shame. For now, I guess we’ll just have to focus on Shizuo-kun’s injuries. Izaya did say he’d come by later, right?”

_Yes, although I still doubt that we can believe anything that man says._

“He’ll come.” Shizuo said firmly. The other two turned to look at him quizzically. “He wasn’t lying when he said that. So, I’m going to stay awake no matter what. He owes me an explanation, and I owe him a hell of a beating.”

Shinra sighed. “I don’t think you’ll be able to pay off that debt until your wounds are completely healed, though.” He found another broken bone and looked to the blonde for a go-ahead.

Shizuo took a deep breath and nodded. When the pain came suddenly, he groaned but remained fairly composed otherwise. They repeated this process several more times – on his legs, on his hands, and not once did anything more than a few small, agonized sounds escape the blonde. When it was done, Shinra finished treating the cuts before fitting his friend with casts; Shizuo’s legs were completely buried under white plaster and gauze.

“Been a while since I’ve had to deal with this shit…” Shizuo said breathlessly. It hurt both of his companions to see the pain that was etched into his every feature.

“That’s true. You always used to heal pretty quickly, though, so I imagine that you can at least look forward to a quick recovery.”

Shizuo started to respond, but he was interrupted by a cheerful voice coming from the entrance to the apartment. “Ah~, did I miss the best part? I thought for sure I’d make it in time to see Shizu-chan scream a little.”

All heads turned to watch as Orihara Izaya entered the room and approached the group of three. His smile grew increasingly smug as he stood over Shizuo and addressed him directly. “So, Shizu-chan, is it still working?”

“Tch.” The blonde turned his head pointedly away from the informant and refused to make any other response.

“Aw, don’t be like that. You should be thanking me for helping you earlier.”

“Help? You bastard, how can you call anything you’ve done today _help?!_ ” As the blonde looked back at his enemy and indicated his mangled frame with a sweeping gesture, his entire body protested against the movement and he flinched pathetically.

Izaya sighed pityingly. “I’m not the one who did all that to you, Shizu-chan. You can only blame me for one broken finger.”

“You set the whole thing up!”

Shinra intervened at last to prevent Shizuo from getting any more excited. “Enough. What are you two talking about all of a sudden?”

“That’s what I’d like to –” But Shizuo’s statement was cut short by Celty, who placed a soothing hand on his shoulder.

_You have to stay calm._

The blonde stared for a moment before nodding meekly. Izaya noticed this with amusement and asked, “Didn’t Shizu-chan tell you? Things got a little out of hand, but this was really just an opportunity to test something nice out on this monster.”

“Something nice?” Shinra prompted when Izaya didn’t elaborate.

“Yep! Isn’t it amazing how harmless Shizu-chan is without that unruly strength of his? He’s so helpless it’s almost adorable~!”

Celty’s fingers glanced across the surface of her PDA. She shoved the completed message at Izaya, who read it with a look of incredible self-satisfaction on his face. _Then this is your fault after all?! Are you saying that he couldn’t fight back because you did something to him?!_

Izaya smirked even more at this. “I _am_ the only person in all of Ikebukuro capable of hurting Shizu-chan, after all. It stands to reason that the only way for anyone else to hurt him is if I allow them to do so. So, while I didn’t necessarily expect them to take things this far, you could say that I actually did look forward to having someone else rough him up for once.”

“Who do you think you’re fooling?” Shinra spat at the informant. “We’ve known each other for a long time, Izaya. I don’t pretend to understand everything that goes on in that twisted head of yours, but I do know that you’re no idiot.”

“You flatter me~!” Izaya said cheerfully as he absently toyed with the tube that was still funneling blood into Shizuo’s arm.

“Drop the attitude!” Shinra shouted, finally losing his temper. “You’re not an idiot, so you had to have known that something like this would happen! You succeed at your job _because_ you know! Shizuo-kun really could have died this time! You may say that you’re okay with that or that it would make you happy, but do you really understand?! You two always seem to be evenly matched, but hasn’t it occurred to you that Shizuo-kun could have killed you a long time ago if he’d really wanted to? And your attempts are generally just as half-hearted. It isn’t fair to suddenly do something like-”

“Oi, Shinra.” Shizuo’s expression was surprisingly docile, and he stared fixedly at the ceiling as everyone’s attention shifted suddenly to him. “You’ve already said more than enough…”

“But-”

“You’re… completely wrong. But thanks, really. I’m fine now, so let the flea talk.” His gaze flickered to said flea, and he added, “I’m not taking pity on you or anything. I just want a complete explanation now before you get your ass out of this city.”

“How strangely rational of you, Shizu-chan. Maybe that drug is actually capable of curing some of your stupidity.”

“…Let’s hear it, then,” Shizuo said tensely.

“Fine, fine. But, you know, after all this buildup, there’s really not much for me to tell you that you don’t already know. I struck up a little deal with the head of a gang that’s been getting a little out of hand recently, handed them some of the experimental drug, and said that I wanted Shizu-chan delivered in one piece by a certain time a few days later. And, for certain reasons, I decided to show up a bit early. Isn’t Shizu-chan lucky that I did~?” The informant grinned and ran his finger along the edge of one of Shizuo’s casts. “There’s nothing particularly strange about any of this, is there? I’ll never pass on the opportunity to play with Shizu-chan, after all.”

“How about you tell us why you didn’t just let those yakuza wannabes have their fun? You went so far out of your way to put me in that situation, after all. Why jeopardize your own position by saving my life?” Shizuo’s eyes calmly searched Izaya’s expression for some indication of what the informant was thinking.

“That’s because I want to see you being killed, of course. How boring it would be to only hear about it from someone else! Or maybe it would be more fun to finish you off myself,” the informant said jovially.

Shizuo looked suspiciously at his enemy. “You could do that now, if you wanted to. So why don’t you, if you’re so bent on seeing me suffer?”

Izaya hesitated for the first time, thrown off by Shizuo’s uncharacteristic tranquility and insight. “That… maybe…” He struggled to find a good reason for acting against his usual desires. Turning around so that Shizuo and the others couldn’t see his face, the informant finally blurted, “I only do what I want to, and letting Shizu-chan die is something I don’t-!” He cut his own sentence short abruptly and looked down at the floor.

Silence filled the room until a bewildered Shizuo said, “Hah? You don’t actually expect me to believe something that ridiculous, do you?” But the informant didn’t turn around, and he didn’t notice Shinra creeping up behind him until the doctor’s fingers brushed the spot on his neck where his racing pulse could be easily detected.

Izaya jerked away from the contact and spun around so that he was facing everyone else again. Shinra laughed lightly. “What has you so worked up?”

Izaya carefully avoided making eye contact with Shizuo. “Wish I knew…”

Shinra looked pensive for a moment before seeming to reach a decision. “Well, you’re definitely not your usual self… But I can believe that you won’t try anything with Shizuo-kun for the time being. Would I be correct in assuming that you need to keep a low profile for a while after this?”

Izaya had already guessed what Shinra was getting at. “Yes… But I can make other arrangements quite easily. After all, I’m hardly interested in spending any amount of time living under the same roof as this protozoan.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to find out why your feelings toward Shizuo-kun have changed?”

“No,” the informant stated firmly. “Maybe you’ve already formed your own weird theories, but I have no interest in things like that. Whatever problems come my way because of this can be dealt with in less troublesome ways.”

“What the fuck are you two talking about…?” Shizuo said as irritation started to show on his face once more. “Don’t think you can decide things like this without talking to me. I’m not staying here, especially not if the flea does.”

“In your case, Shizuo-kun, there’s really no other option. You’re probably a target now, too, and you won’t even be able to walk on your own for a while. What do you plan on doing if you leave now? How do you intend to get home in that condition?”

“…Shut up! I’ll get there somehow, and then I’ll kill anyone who tries to kill me! I’ll get better in a few days, anyway, and –”

“Try _months_ ,” Shinra said firmly. “You know as well as I do that none of that is even remotely plausible right now.”

Izaya smirked. “How ridiculous. Shizu-chan really is just like a protozoan.”

“Oi, do you want me to kill you right now!?”

“As if you could,” Izaya said dismissively. His eyes glanced over Shizuo’s chest, and he frowned slightly. “…Shinra, don’t you still need to fix those broken ribs?”

The doctor nodded. “Shizuo-kun, it would probably be best to get that over with now. Most of them are just fractured, but I will need to reset one or two. It won’t be pretty, so how about accepting the anesthetic this time?”

Shizuo sighed a little, and Izaya noticed for the first time how tired the man looked. “Yeah… a little sleep might be nice, actually. Just promise you’ll get rid of the flea infestation before I wake up.”

Shinra nodded and quickly set to work organizing his equipment.

 

The ensuing operation didn’t last long. Shizuo’s organs had thankfully escaped serious damage, and everything went smoothly. Putting away his medical instruments with a sigh of relief, Shinra turned to the still-present Izaya.

“I gave him a little more than he needed, so he’ll be out for a while. Now then – you have two options. One – you and Shizuo-kun both stay here with Celty and I until things blow over and he has time to heal. Two – you and Shizuo-kun both stay here until he can be safely moved to _your_ place to finish healing. Of course, you’ll be taking care of him either way.”

Izaya found a seat and made himself comfortable. “Why do I have to bother with Shizu-chan at all?”

Shinra crossed his arms on his chest. “Isn’t it your fault that he wound up like this in the first place?”

“Thank you for remind me yet again,” Izaya snapped. “But I doubt Shizu-chan will simply go along with either option.”

“I don’t particularly want to leave him with you, either. Still, as a doctor, I have to ensure that he’s properly cared for over the span of the next several months. He’s too temperamental to be left alone even when he can get around with crutches. His ribs will heal on their own, but one tantrum could set him back another month. Celty and I both have our own work to worry about, so that just leaves you.”

“Aren’t you forgetting that I also have work to do? Surely you’re not suggesting that I abandon it for the sake of this irritating protozoan?”

“That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. You have a responsibility here, and I won’t let you tell me that you don’t feel even a little like protecting Shizuo-kun after you’ve already gone this far.”

“You make it sound like I’m suddenly infatuated with him! Besides, Shizu-chan would naturally have more outbursts if I’m around, so isn’t that just a little counterproductive?”

“You can easily do a lot to prevent that by not intentionally provoking him, right?”

Izaya leveled a glare at Shinra, glanced down at the still form of his enemy, and sighed extravagantly. “Fine. If you really believe that this will help anyone, then just tell me how you’ll get Shizu-chan to accept it and I’ll play along.”

“That’s up to you, as well. When he wakes up, you should try talking him into it.”

Izaya looked sardonically at his friend. “And if that brilliant plan of yours falls through?”

Sheepishly, Shinra said, “Well, he’ll definitely warm up to you eventually, but until then… maybe more sedatives?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there is a whole lot of dialogue in this chapter. The next one is more action-y. Look forward to it, as it's what initially led me to use that archive warning. Hint hint. (Well, if you're not into those kinds of scenes, you can probably skip it and be more or less good to go. I'm not too great at writing them yet, anyway....)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... The chapter I mentioned at the end of the last one was actually the *next* chapter. (This stuff all starts out as rough drafts in my notebook. Yes, on paper!) Oh, well. I'll get around to typing that one up as soon as I get a handle on the second semester. (Sorry if anyone was looking forward to that... well, probably not. ;P ) I had a lot of fun writing this one, though, so I hope it is equally fun to read!

A few minutes later, Shinra and Celty went to bed – together, which amused Izaya – and the informant bade them good night. Although he had, for the time being, accepted the guest room offered to him by Shinra, he found that he couldn’t yet bring himself to try sleeping.

Chalking his actions up to extreme boredom, Izaya moved a chair over so that he was sitting next to the unconscious Shizuo. The man’s breathing was regular, but it seemed that his broken ribs were preventing him from drawing a full breath. Izaya swallowed the guilt that welled up inside him when he noticed this.

 _He’s a monster…_ he reminded himself with a frown.

But Shizuo’s countenance truly didn’t resemble a monster’s. A medicinal patch covered a long, shallow cut on his left cheek, but his face was otherwise largely unscathed. He was regaining some color thanks to a second blood transfusion, and his lips moved gently to mouth a few silent words.

As Izaya watched, he realized with a start that the monster was dreaming. He smirked, seeing an opportunity to amuse himself, and leaned in close to whisper in the blonde’s ear. “Shizu-chan, guess who’s in Ikebukuro.”

Shizuo’s brow furrowed in irritation. “Iza…ya…”

“Correct, but still so boring, Shizu-chan. At least try threatening me or something!” The blonde did not respond to Izaya’s taunt, however, and the informant finally grew bored enough to stand and make his way to the kitchen for a drink.

When he returned with a tall glass of cold water several minutes later, he was surprised to find Shizuo awake.

The blonde made a little sound of consternation when he recognized the informant in the dim lighting. “I wasn’t expecting you to still be here…” he said with a scowl.

“Disappointed? If you want me to leave, you’ll have to make me,” Izaya said, relieved that the silence had been broken. He took his seat beside Shizuo and tried to look as comfortable as possible.

Shizuo sighed, thwarting the part of Izaya that had been hoping to anger the blonde. “Fine. Do whatever you want.”

“Jeez, you really are boring tonight, Shizu-chan!”

“Sounds like _you’re_ the one who’s disappointed,” Shizuo muttered. He paused to catch his breath, then added, “What are you still doing up?”

What _was_ he still doing up? Rather than trying to answer this question in a manner that wouldn’t immediately piss Shizuo off, Izaya decided to change the subject. “You don’t sound good, Shizu-chan. Want something to drink?” He held out his untouched glass of water to Shizuo, who hesitantly reached out to accept it.

“Th…thanks…” the blonde mumbled, more confused than ever by Izaya’s actions.

An uncomfortable silence descended on the room as Izaya watched Shizuo struggle to keep a firm grip on the glass. The gauze on his broken fingers kept slipping on the slick surface, which made it nearly impossible for him to maneuver it into a safe position between the palms of his hands.

Izaya finally couldn’t stand to watch any longer, and he reached forward to take the cup back from Shizuo. “If you keep that up, it’ll definitely spill,” he said when the blonde made a feeble attempt to retrieve it.

“Leave me alone, flea,” Shizuo growled. “This is the best I can do.”

Izaya sighed and slipped his free arm behind the blonde, who gave a little start and glared viciously at the informant. “What the fuck are you doing?” he asked angrily.

“Helping,” Izaya responded simply as he carefully raised Shizuo into a more upright position. “Jeez, you’re heavy,” he complained.

“Izaya-kun-” Shizuo started to protest again, but the informant placed a finger on his lips to silence him.

“Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m only doing this because it seems interesting at the moment.” He deliberately raised the glass to Shizuo’s lips and added, “Behave yourself quietly for a little while, okay?”

Shizuo’s eyes widened and his breath caught in his throat as the glass touched his lips and he felt cold water on his tongue. He couldn’t look away from Izaya, who continued to watch him with a mischievous glint in his eyes. The man was smiling slightly, and Shizuo was certain that he was being made fun of.

Izaya tipped the glass back toward himself after a few seconds in order to allow Shizuo to catch his breath. This surprised the blonde even more; he had expected the flea to treat him a little more roughly in this situation, but here he was being as considerate and gentle as possible. He longed to ask why that was the case, but he knew already that he would receive no answer, and the atmosphere was one which demanded silence. Izaya seemed to sense this, too, for he said nothing as he again brought the rim of the glass to Shizuo’s lips.

They repeated this cycle several more times until the glass was completely empty and Shizuo’s throat hurt far less than it had before. And still the dreamlike quality didn’t fade. The silence persisted even after Izaya eased Shizuo back down onto the couch.

“Am I interrupting something?”

Both men gave a start as Shinra entered the room, and Izaya quickly shifted so that the cup was hidden from Shinra’s view. “Not at all~! Shizu-chan and I were just having a little chat, but I’m already bored with it.” The informant rose to his feet and smiled innocently. “Guess I’ll go ahead and sleep, then.”

“Actually, could you hang on a second?” Shinra yawned and focused his gaze on the irritated blonde. “Shizuo-kun, would you like a change of clothes?”

Shizuo started to nod, but he stopped when he guessed Shinra’s intentions. “You’re not going to ask me to accept help from this bastard, are you?”

“Isn’t that what you were just doing?” Shinra said this patiently, but his expression betrayed some of his amusement.  When both men started to protest simultaneously, he cut them off, “I wasn’t born yesterday, you two. I can see what you’re holding, Izaya-kun.”

The informant felt his face growing hot as he set the offending glass down on the nearest flat surface.  “Just a way to pass the time. Don’t assume that it has any special meaning.”

“As if I’d let you do anything like that again, anyway!” Shizuo retorted angrily.

“Let’s just try to calm down a bit, alright?” Shinra called placatingly as he briefly left the room. When he returned, it was with a sizable bundle of clothes and sheets. “Here – this should fit Shizuo-kun pretty well. The sheets are for the spare futon. Since you’re both staying under my roof, I trust you have no objections to sharing the guest room?” Shizuo and Izaya looked like they had plenty of objections, but Shinra’s look warned that voicing them would achieve nothing.

Seeing that his friends had nothing more to say, Shinra plopped the pile of fabric down next to Izaya and turned to leave. The two glared at his back until it had disappeared from sight, and Shizuo refused to meet Izaya’s now-mocking gaze.

Returning to Celty’s side, Shinra found her still awake waiting for him. _Where were you for so long?_

“Just dealing with a couple of idiots,” the doctor sighed as he slipped back under the covers and wrapped his arms around his lover’s waist.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What did I just write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as I was writing for the trope bingo contest on dreamwidth (If you've been reading this fic, you might have noticed that I like writing tropes.), I realized that, hey, there's this story on here that I haven't updated in quite some time. Sorry about that.
> 
> I sort of wonder how people will feel about this chapter. It's... fun. I'm also not sure it flows as well as some of the other things I've posted recently, but hey. Please do give it a shot. I intend to update again as soon as I get a chance.

Some time after Shinra’s cheerful departure from the living room, Izaya finally interrupted an extended period of loaded silence by stretching and casually deciding, “Well, I guess there’s just no helping it~!” He turned back to Shizuo and let his hand hover at the edge of the blonde’s collar.

“You’re not actually planning to go along with that, are you?” Shizuo asked incredulously. There might have also been a trace of desperation in his voice, but that was well-buried behind a veil of doubt and uncertainty.

Izaya chose to ignore it – what did the monster’s feelings matter to him? “Well, Shizu-chan is just so pitiful and fun to tease that even I can’t see too many reasons to complain.” The informant pulled the blonde back off of the cushions and paused again to consider the problem of how to finish removing his already-unbuttoned shirts.

“Forget it, flea. I’ll stay here and you can run off to bed alone,” Shizuo insisted, eyes widening as his rival’s breath gusted over the exposed skin around his neck.

“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it,” Izaya laughed. He tried to ease the end of one sleeve down past Shizuo’s injured hand, but he stopped immediately when the blonde hissed in pain. He frowned, then muttered a short ‘oh, well’ under his breath as he whipped out his trademark knife.

“Hold it,” Shizuo demanded at once. “You’re not bringing that thing anywhere near me. I can take this off myself.” To illustrate his point, he reached up and gingerly slipped his clothes down past his shoulders. He tried to shrug them the rest of the way off after that, but his ribs protested strongly and he had to bite his lower lip to hold back a pained shout. To his utmost mortification, a small whimper still escaped him, and Izaya laughed in response.

“Alright, alright, you don’t have to push yourself to act tough. Here – let me,” the informant said as Shizuo’s face reddened. The blonde still looked pissed, but he nevertheless allowed Izaya to cut the sleeves so that the tattered clothes fell away from his chest and arms. “You’d have had a pretty hard time getting those blood stains out, anyway,” Izaya muttered as he started to undo Shizuo’s belt.

“That’s enough,” the blonde said after a brief pause, and he shifted uncomfortably. Izaya disregarded this, too, and finally tugged the strip of black leather free from its loops.

“Such a pain…” the informant said in a pointed show of apathy for toward his companion’s obvious displeasure.

The blonde’s protests became more insistent, however, when the informant started trying to tug the top button of his pants out of its clasp. Izaya’s indifference remained just as pronounced as ever – he was really enjoying the whole thing, in fact – and Shizuo finally had to resort to just slapping his hands away. “Don’t you understand Japanese, you bastard?” he hissed, apparently determined not to wake Shinra again.

“What’s the problem, Shizu-chan? Afraid I’ll get to see how small you are?”

To Izaya’s surprise, the blonde’s face took on quite the scarlet hue as soon as he heard those words, and embarrassed tears shone at the corners of his eyes. The informant stopped what he was doing.

“N-no, that’s not it… C-could you please just leave? I-I’ll explain to Shinra or whatever, s-so… please…” Shizuo was trembling slightly, his muscles all as tense as they could be without causing him too much pain. His voice was shaking, as well, and Izaya thought he detected that same desperation – stronger, now, and mixed with something else that was possibly even more substantial.

Weird. Really weird.

And intriguing. Izaya smirked and moved over so that he was sitting next to the blonde on the couch. He felt, rather than heard, Shizuo’s breath catch in his throat as he did so, and the warmth radiating from his body was also really something. The informant leaned into it without really thinking as he murmured his next words. “You’re so strange, Shizu-chan. A monster with messed-up reactions to every little thing. I never know quite what you might do next…”

He had hoped that his light insults might bring Shizuo back to his usual self, but no such luck. The blonde shuddered and struggled away from Izaya, his eyes now plainly panicked and his breathing hurried. “What are you trying to do, louse?” the blonde hissed, and with his next words he again pleaded, “Just – please, just this once, let me off the hook. Don’t you ever get tired of messing with me?”

“I don’t,” Izaya decided easily, and he moved his hand back down to Shizuo’s pants – just a little lower than it had been before, where, as he had half-expected, there was now a noticeable bulge and just a hint of dampness.

He didn’t move his eyes from Shizuo’s face as he did this, and he felt an odd mixture of satisfaction and remorse when the blonde’s eyes widened and then filled with tears. His face was even redder than before, and he bowed his head and bit his lower lip – this time not because of the pain, Izaya figured, but because there was nothing else he could do to hold himself together.

“Man, Shizu-chan, you must really be pent-up. Or could it be that you like me more than you’re willing to admit?” Shizuo shook his head mutely, and Izaya laughed. “Embarrassed? Does it hurt that fragile pride of yours, getting all turned on by the person you hate the most?”

“I’ll kill you…” Shizuo whispered, but his threat had absolutely no impact with his voice shaking that badly.

Izaya wasn’t about to miss an opportunity this good, and besides – Shizuo was so tragically handsome right then that Izaya almost couldn’t hold himself back. The informant therefore didn’t hesitate before he finished cutting what remained of the blonde’s dress pants away, much to Shizuo’s combined pleasure and horror.

Izaya then pulled his enemy into a gentle embrace and, ducking his head into the crook of Shizuo’s neck, began nibbling at the exposed skin there. “Do you want me to leave a mark?” he asked, and Shizuo closed his eyes in an attempt to hide from the informant. “I’ll take that as a yes,” Izaya decided, and Shizuo winced as he sank his teeth into the unmarked skin.

“Why?” Shizuo mumbled, and Izaya noticed as the blonde reopened his eyes that lust had joined the mix of emotions there to create something quite stunning.

“Probably that look in your eyes,” Izaya murmured. “Consider it a favor and try to enjoy it, ne?”

“Bastard,” Shizuo snarled, this time with more feeling, and Izaya silenced him with a kiss. His attempts to pull away yielded nothing, of course, and Izaya reveled in the other’s helplessness. When it seemed that Shizuo might simply withdraw into himself, Izaya yanked him back into reality by slipping his tongue past the blonde’s tightly clenched lips and into his mouth. He teased his way deeper and deeper until Shizuo was practically choking, until disgust overcame the informant and he pulled away to wipe at his own mouth.

Shizuo couldn’t do the same, however, and Izaya smirked at the trail of saliva running from one corner of his still-parted lips on down his chin. He was obviously on the verge of tears, and the informant felt a pang of guilt in spite of himself. Ironically, though, that guilt only caused him to redouble his efforts, and he quickly slipped Shizuo’s boxers down past his erection.

“No,” Shizuo whispered as the informant pushed him horizontal. “Izaya…”

“Don’t even bother asking me to stop, Shizu-chan. I have all night if I need it, so I can afford to wait for you to tell me exactly what you want me to do.” Izaya smiled in mock innocence as he pressed his thumb into the tip of Shizuo’s cock.

Shizuo moaned softly. “Stop,” he insisted despite the warning.

“Wrong answer,” Izaya sang, and he sat back so that he could more easily nibble at the blonde’s inner thigh. He came closer and closer to his dick, was close enough that Shizuo must have been able to feel his breath gusting warm and moist against it. The blonde shuddered, turned his head to the side and tasted blood as he again sank his teeth into his lower lip.

“Okay,” he blurted as soon as Izaya’s pointer finger found his entrance. He swallowed painfully and whispered, “Not there.”

“Then tell me where, Shizu-chan.” Izaya pronounced each syllable of the blonde’s nickname with careful emphasis.

“Wh-what…?” It was a useless attempt to postpone the inevitable, Shizuo knew, but that didn’t stop him from trying. He was like a rabbit still squeaking in a fox’s jaws.

“You know what,” Izaya murmured in immediate response.

He did.

“I… want you to do what… what you were doing before.” He hated himself for saying it.

“Really? And what was that, Shizu-chan?” Izaya’s tone was so patronizing, so laden with sarcasm and cruel amusement that Shizuo nearly went mad from the anger that rose to meet the pleasure and the pain. His senses were pushing him to his breaking point, and his head felt light and airy.

“Your tongue, my dick,” he snarled, voice heavy with his own resentment. “I’d like to see you drink it.”

Izaya smirked. “Is that a challenge?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did Shizuo have to admit to wanting it, too?

When Shizuo came, he nearly lost consciousness as the pain and pleasure fully overwhelmed him. Izaya was honestly amazed that the blonde didn’t cry out, and – in an ironic gesture of kindness – he pressed his lips to Shizuo’s in a feeble attempt to ground him.

Of course, it wasn’t as if the informant couldn’t understand why Shizuo was so desperate to keep quiet; what would Celty and Shinra think if they found something like that happening in their own living room? The bulk of the humiliation would have been Shizuo’s, though Izaya probably wouldn’t have gotten off without a bit of physical retribution.

Shizuo’s breathing didn’t slow even long after the euphoria should have faded, though. He continued to draw in shallow helpings of air, his eyes glazed over with hurt.

Izaya started to say something, but the misery on his enemy’s face gave him pause.

“You just… gonna… sit there all… night?” Shizuo forced the words out one by one with every exhalation.

“I’m enjoying the moment,” Izaya responded with an innocent smile. “But I really do need my beauty sleep, so how about we wrap this up? Literally, of course.” The informant brandished the clothes that Shinra had left earlier.

“Bas… tard…” The blonde didn’t even try to hide his discomfort as Izaya helped him, somewhat roughly, into the fresh apparel. The pain in his chest didn’t fade even slightly as he was lowered, now fully dressed, onto a freshly-made futon in the guest room. His breathing was still incredibly shallow because of it.

“Flea…” he breathed, hoping that Izaya would get the idea without forcing him to string a full sentence together. He held a hand above his chest and eyed the informant for some sign of understanding, but Izaya only looked at the blonde amusedly for a moment before pulling the covers up around him.

“I’m not into charades, Shizu-chan. If you have something you wanna say, just say it.”

_You bastard, you know damn well that I can’t breathe._ But Shizuo didn’t have the lung capacity or the patience to say this to the informant, so he simply tried again. “It hurts… and… it’s _your…_ fault.”

Izaya smirked. “So you want me to feel sorry for you? Or maybe you’re hoping I’ll feel guilty about it? Don’t bother, Shizu-chan. I won’t lose any sleep over this.”

“I just… want your help.” Shizuo winced a little as his ribs throbbed agonizingly. “Can’t sleep… like this, so… some medicine… or something…?”

Izaya’s oh-now-I-get-it face was thoroughly overdone, and he knew it. “You probably messed up your injuries earlier. Want me to wake Shinra up?”

Shizuo’s glare intensified. “Don’t even… _think_ about it… flea.”

Of course not. Izaya smothered laughter and said, “Fine, fine. I guess I can stand to find something for you, although it’s certainly a pain.” He strolled out of the room and called, “Be grateful~!” over his shoulder.

When he returned, it was with a bottle of pills and a glass of water. The blonde bristled at the thought of letting the flea help him drink again, but he resisted the urge to struggle as he was helped up and given several small tablets. He was grateful that, at the very least, Izaya didn’t make many more smart-ass comments, and it wasn’t long after that that the informant finished preparing himself for bed and flicked off the light of the guest room.

 

~

 

Izaya stretched complacently as sunlight streamed in through a crack in the curtains. As he scanned his unfamiliar surroundings and caught sight of a clock that was hanging on the opposite wall, he noted with some surprise that it was already well past noon. He didn’t usually sleep so late, but he figured, after some thought, that this could easily be attributed to the excitement of the past day.

His gaze came to rest at last on the figure occupying the futon on the other side of the room. The blonde’s eyes were closed, but his brow was furrowed slightly as if he was still feeling the pain in his dreams. As Izaya watched, he was barely able to detect the rise and fall of the man’s chest as he breathed.

Concerned in spite of himself by this deathlike picture, Izaya climbed reluctantly out from beneath the warm covers and strode over to Shizuo.

“Shizu-chan,” he addressed the blonde – quietly, because he didn’t want their hosts to hear him calling on his enemy this early in the morning. Shinra had already started assuming all sorts of crazy, impossible things, after all, and Izaya didn’t feel like dealing with any more of that at the moment.

Shizuo didn’t show any signs of waking up, though, so the informant took to shaking his shoulder with just enough force that the blonde winced and finally opened his eyes slightly. “Izaya…?” His voice was thick with sleep, and the informant couldn’t help noticing that his breathing hadn’t improved at all since the previous night.

“Do you always make a habit of sleeping the day away?” Izaya questioned – setting aside the fact that he, too, had been asleep until just moments ago.

The blonde blinked, held his breath and brought his arm up to rub sleep from his eyes. “What are you… talking… about…?”

Izaya sighed impatiently. “It’s already past noon, idiot. Aren’t you hungry or something?” Why the hell had he bothered to wake the blonde up, anyway? Because he honestly cared if this monster got the nutrition he needed to recover and go back to interfering with him all the time? Maybe – he _was_ supposed to be acting as Shizuo’s caretaker or something, after all. The thought was more than a little irritating.

The informant watched as his enemy’s eyes widened, and he felt a dark bubble of apprehension rise inside of him to match this irritability. Shizuo turned at the sound of an accidental, sudden intake of breath, and he narrowed his eyes again. Izaya realized with a start that the blonde’s eyes were all unfocused, that he was apparently straining to make out the man who was sitting right in front of him.

“Not funny,” Shizuo growled, and Izaya blinked in surprise.

He cleared his throat, then, and tried, “Ah, looks like you have really bad luck after all, Shizu-chan.”

The blonde gazed disbelievingly in Izaya’s general direction. They’d both reached the same conclusion, obviously, and Izaya could read all of the disbelief and despair on his face. “N-no way,” he breathed. “What did you – ”

“It’s probably a side-effect of that drug I gave you, Shizu-chan.” He paused to let Shizuo absorb this, then added, rather hesitantly, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?!” Shizuo bristled. “That’s not… going to… fix this,” and he cringed as his ribs protested in response to his agitation. “Dammit,” he whispered, his voice hoarse as he closed his eyes tightly. “This isn’t… a joke…”

Blindness? No, that was just – Shizuo wasn’t the sort of person to…

_No. No, it’s not._ “I’ll go get Shinra, so try to calm down, alright?” Izaya’s words were gentle – meant to comfort, rather than to tease or enrage. Shizuo, for all his anger, noticed this and appreciated it enough to take the advice to heart. He nodded tensely but said nothing as Izaya stood and all but ran out of the room.

The informant found Shinra in the living room with Celty, and he wasted no time in tearing the brunette away from the couch and the television. His explanation was full of holes and lacking all the crucial details, but the doctor knew not to take the man’s panic lightly and simply let himself by dragged into the room where Shizuo was waiting.

“What’s wrong?! You look terrible,” Shinra exclaimed immediately upon seeing the blonde lying still with one arm still thrown across his eyes. He noticed the breathing, too, and the way the blonde was biting down on his lower lip as he had been doing for quite some time now.

“I wouldn’t know,” Shizuo muttered gruffly.

“Do your ribs hurt?” Shinra questioned as he gently pulled the blonde’s arm away from his face. He lifted the covers away from the blonde’s chest and gently prodded a few spots. Shizuo winced immediately, and Shinra looked surprised. “They’re a lot worse than before! Were you moving around or something? Did you fall, or – ”

Izaya, realizing exactly what must have caused the damage, had to struggle to maintain his composure. “Something like that,” he muttered, and he noticed Shizuo turn his head away from the sound – eyes still closed.

“Too many… questions,” was Shizuo’s answer. He sounded characteristically annoyed, which seemed to reassure Shinra.

“I’m sorry,” the doctor said sheepishly, but he had one more to ask. “Is there something wrong with your eyes?”

No one said anything for a time, and then Shizuo sighed – or tried to – and opened them again for Shinra to see. No explanation was needed, and the brunette seemed, for once, to be at a loss for words. “Oh… That’s… a bit problematic, isn’t it?”

“Not helping,” Shizuo snapped just as Celty soundlessly filed into the room. The dullahan looked around at all the somber faces – noting Izaya’s unhappy expression in particular – and typed a question that mirrored Shinra’s earlier one.

_What’s wrong?_

Izaya, grateful for the presence of someone around whom he could easily behave like his usual shameless self, took the initiative in answering. “Shizu-chan’s just having some technical difficulties. _You_ might have a bit of a hard time talking to him about it, though.”

“Celty?” Shizuo guessed immediately as he scanned his surroundings in a vain attempt to catch a glimpse of his friend. “Damn… you’re so _quiet…_ ”

Celty approached Shizuo slowly and started to type another message, but Shinra stopped her hand with his own. “He’s right. Shizuo-kun won’t be able to read it.”

Celty looked down at Shizuo’s face, noticed the foggy look in his eyes, and understood immediately. Joining Shinra on the floor beside Shizuo, she placed a comforting hand on the blonde’s shoulder.

“Listen, Shizuo-kun. This is hardly my area of expertise, but I can at least guess that this has something to do with Orihara-kun’s little experiment.” The doctor glared over his shoulder at the man in question, who shifted uncomfortably at the unwanted attention. “He probably knows more about it than I do, but I think I can safely say that we shouldn’t rule out the possibility that we can fix this just yet.”

“Jeez, Shinra, don’t just assume that I’ll willingly help Shizu-chan when he’s so much easier to deal with like this!” Izaya cut in, his tone that familiar teasing one that so enraged Shizuo most of the time.

Shinra turned on him. “You have no right to refuse. You’ve had your fun at Shizuo-kun’s expense, and now you’re going to fix this. He doesn’t deserve to spend the rest of his life crippled because of _your_ selfishness!”

Izaya almost wanted to agree right there, but he had a reputation to uphold. So, he responded coolly, “He won’t have to if I kill him now.”

The sound of Shinra’s palm colliding sharply with the right side of the informant’s face resounded loudly in the small room. The impact left a very visible red mark on the startled man’s face, and Shinra stood glaring and shaking with anger as Izaya brought a hand up to ease the sudden rush of pain.

Shizuo appeared to have realized immediately what had happened, and he surprised everyone by closing his eyes and hesitantly calling, “Don’t.” He opened them again when he felt everyone’s attention focusing on him, and his next words were, “I’ll be fine… either way, but… Shinra, you think you could… some painkillers…”

“Shizuo-kun, why – ?”

“I don’t need the help of a monster like you,” Izaya interrupted Shinra angrily.

“I don’t care… _what_ you need, flea… I just don’t… like violence,” Shizuo responded sharply, and the informant blinked in obvious surprise. To think that this monster disliked violence to that extent, when all he seemed to embody was pure and undiluted savagery. He didn’t notice his legs shaking until Shinra’s next words called him back to reality – and, then, he wasn’t sure what was making him react that way.

“Sorry, Shizuo-kun, I just figured – you know, because it’s Orihara-kun.” The doctor considered for a moment, shook his head, and decided, “Okay. Well, I can give you something for the pain as soon as I reset the ribs that’ve been re-broken, but it might be better for you to eat something first. When was the last time you had any food?”

Shizuo thought for a second. “Dunno… skipped breakfast… so… since the day… before yesterday?”

Shinra gaped at his friend. “Are you serious?! Shizuo-kun, an injured person shouldn’t go that long without _something_!”

“Really? Guess I should…”

“Do you want anything in particular?” Shinra offered.

“Milk,” the blonde answered immediately. “Ah, and… well, whatever else…”

Shinra smiled in spite of himself. Leave it to Shizuo. “Gotcha,” and he headed for the door, “Celty, would you lend me a hand?”

“Then, me t – ” But Izaya’s attempt to escape the room with the other two was cut short before he could even finish his sentence.

“Stay here with Shizuo-kun,” Shinra demanded. “You can let me know if anything happens.”

Izaya opened his mouth to contest this, but when he happened to glance down at Shizuo and see his blank gaze fixed right on him, he hesitated. His cheek still stinging from the earlier blow, he nodded shortly.  The gesture went unnoticed, for Shinra and Celty were already on their way out of the room, their backs to the informant. He didn’t bother to say anything even then, mostly because he was suddenly uncomfortably aware of Shizuo’s eyes on him.

That gaze was heavy, and Izaya felt it weighing him down. He didn’t move – couldn’t move – and Shizuo didn’t say anything to break the monotony of clinks and clatters from the kitchen and his own labored breathing.

Finally, Izaya breathed a little sigh and grudgingly knelt beside Shizuo, who closed his eyes and turned his head away from the informant. His expression was anxious – scared, even.

“Don’t hide, Shizu-chan,” Izaya said gently, and startled the blonde by resting his hand on his shoulder. “I want to see your eyes.” His voice, though gentle, was still neutral; he didn’t want the blonde to detect even a hint of anxiety in his voice.

“Why…? Gonna gloat… over it?”

“No.” And Izaya took Shizuo’s face in his hands to guide it gently over so that the two men were face-to-face. Shizuo opened his eyes wide in bewilderment at the odd lack of force behind his enemy’s touch. “That’s better.”

The informant hesitated, then, and finally murmured the other’s name, “Shizuo,” because that was what the situation now required. If he was going to try this, this crazy, impulsive idea, then he would have to try it right, to test it properly and leave not a shadow of a doubt as to how he felt. It was the only way to satisfy himself.

Shizuo was obviously more surprised by this than by anything else the informant had done thus far. When was the last time he’d heard the informant call him by anything other than that nickname and a few favorite insults? “Flea,” he responded simply, because that was how it was supposed to go.

“I’d like to try kissing you, if that’s alright,” Izaya said in his usual off-hand manner.

“Wh-wha-? I – you…” A very flustered Shizuo took as deep a breath as he could manage and then tried again. “You did… without asking…” _So why are you asking now, you bastard? Why are you talking to me like this?_ For how long, exactly, did the flea intend to play havoc with his mind?

“Would you rather I just help myself, then?” Izaya demanded unrelentingly. “And here I thought that asking would seem like the more courteous thing to do. Ah, well – I shouldn’t expect a protozoan like Shizu-chan to care for things like that.”

“The answer’s no,” Shizuo decided quickly, hoping that the matter would be laid to rest before he seriously lost control of his temper. With injuries this bad, something like that would have disastrous effects on his body.

“They say that when a woman says no, she actually means yes. Maybe Shizu-chan is the same.”

Of course the flea would be that persistent. Dammit, if he wanted a kiss so bad, why wouldn’t he just take one? “I’m a man… And, you… We hate each other… so, why? It’s not… funny.”

Why did Shizuo have to admit to wanting it, too?

“You’re right about that much, but I’m not joking now.” Shizuo didn’t respond – he’d given up on trying – and Izaya’s expression grew somewhat sad. When he spoke, though, he veiled that emotion with a tone of total nonchalance. “Oh, well. It’s no good if Shizu-chan won’t _let_ me do it this time.”

The informant pulled his hands away from the blonde’s face and had to contain his disappointment. He had wanted this, if only because it would allow him to understand his own mind to some extent. It was disconcerting and incredibly annoying, not understanding himself. He was an informant, one who thrived on information, on knowledge and understanding. It was unforgivable to have so little control over himself. He couldn’t stand feeling strange, acting strangely, and letting others see him that way. He needed an explanation, at least.

And there was one possibility. Those crazy, impossible things that Shinra had assumed – but maybe, if he could feel something like guilt or empathy in response to Shizuo’s pain, those things weren’t quite so impossible. He should have been happy about all of this, dammit, so what else…?

How funny, that he had had to fall in love with Shizuo, with his opposite, his hated rival. How ironic, that he somehow _needed_ him, and not just for a few laughs every now and then. What about this protozoan, aside from his looks, was so damn attractive?

Hah – studying himself had somehow become more interesting than studying those incredible creatures called humans. Could it be that he, too, had fallen to that level? That he was just as human, that he had less control, that he was less separated than he had always thought?

Ah, the speculation.

He would have to break those fragile feelings before they became too deeply entrenched, if indeed they did exist somewhere within him. He disliked pain, after all. And with the loss of his need to protect Shizuo, the desire to hurt him – as he had done last night – would prevail again. That was how it should be.

He was startled out of his reverie when he suddenly felt the cool sensation of Shizuo’s gauze-wrapped hand on his still-stinging cheek. He glanced down at the blonde and saw that his brow was once again furrowed in confusion.

“You’re crying…”

And Izaya realized that Shizuo was right. He reached up wonderingly to verify that the tears were really there, but his hand instead found Shizuo’s – soft, fragile, almost comforting. After a moment, the informant realized that the blonde didn’t intend to break the contact, and he didn’t even consider taking the initiative.

Shizuo brought his other hand up to his enemy’s face, let whatever exposed skin remained explore it. He was careful, both because he hurt and because he knew that the moment was too delicate for faster movement.

_The flea wasn’t joking around, huh…_

“What happened... to hating me…?”

“Shizu-chan, I…” Izaya’s voice cracked, and he found that he was shaking slightly. “I can’t, after all…”

Which path was the best for him? The safest? Or even the most desirable? He didn’t even know any more. He was in danger of losing himself somewhere along the way, though, and that couldn’t happen. He was a creature of habit. He couldn’t change, he didn’t want to change, and this – this was change.

He tried to turn away, tried to escape from the room and the precipice and the words almost spoken, but Shizuo called him back with a single word, “Okay.”

Permission granted, just like that. His feelings recognized without words. Did Shizuo understand him, after all? “Shizu-chan… No, Shizuo…” Don’t assume you know me. (But you do, I guess, and I like that – just a little.) Don’t assume I haven’t already changed my mind. (But I haven’t.) Don’t look right through me like that when you can’t see a damn thing. (And that’s my fault. Don’t you hate me more for it?)

“I’ll change… my mind. You wanted… me to want it… so what’s the problem?” I should hate you. I still do, but this much is okay for now.

So Izaya leaned forward and brushed his lips against Shizuo’s once. Came back, then, let himself linger more, and felt his pulse quicken as a little bolt of electricity ran through his body. His nerves were firing way too much for so little contact.

A sure sign that, with something as chance as a flip of a coin or a few split-second decisions, he had lost something important to the beast in front of him. He didn’t believe in fate, but this felt right. Chance, maybe – but he felt a little like calling it luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may end the fic here, but I haven't decided for sure just yet. It's quite open-ended, but it does have a reasonable solution to the major conflict. I'll think about it, and I may finish up with a sort of epilogue.


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo reflects on the gradual, inevitable transformation of the feelings they share.

One morning several months later, Shizuo sighed deeply and couldn’t help marveling yet again at how nice it was to be able to take a full breath. His ribs had been healed for quite some time now, of course, but – well, he had a lot of time to waste on admiring little wonders.

His fingers were in much better shape now, too. All but a few had been freed from their splints, and he was just getting re-accustomed to moving them again. Shinra had been a little dismayed by the slow progress, but Shizuo didn’t think it mattered. He almost liked the time he spent with the flea these days, and with his eyes and legs still out of commission, what did it matter if he couldn’t do much more than lie around and listen to the little sounds of Izaya going about his business as usual?

Almost as usual, anyway. The flea, like Shizuo, had already accepted a new normal. The old normal, the one where Shizuo hated and tried to kill him at every turn, was a little hard to imagine anymore. Yes, Shizuo still got mad, and yes, Izaya was still a total pain in the ass half the time, but they’d found something else to do with the other half.

Gentle touches, a shared kiss and words without a trace of animosity. Izaya was doing what he could to find a cure for Shizuo, and that fifty percent was increasing by some small proportion every day. Shizuo healed, and Izaya worked. When he didn’t work, he searched, and when he didn’t do that, he hung around Shizuo – talked to him, mostly, and every now and then did something a little naughtier.

Which was fine, now, because Shizuo gave him permission when he asked. He always asked. Because they were still closed to each other – a wall that neither crossed even in the most intimate of moments. An understanding they didn’t yet share. But maybe at some point. Shizuo couldn’t help hoping so, and he figured he must have been dealt an odd deck of cards if fate could twist on him like that.

In the meantime, he asked Izaya to open the window. He watched the seasons change with his ears and his nose and his skin – that warm, wet-scented breeze, the voices that reached him from the street below Izaya’s apartment. With help, he was able to venture as far as the other rooms of the flat, but he hadn’t gone outside. Shinra had offered, and Izaya in his roundabout way, but Shizuo had refused. He didn’t like being stared at, and he wouldn’t know how much attention he was attracting if he couldn’t see anyone around him. Besides, he liked the room – it was small, which relaxed him a bit. No surprises, no wide-open spaces full of things unseen.

He was getting used to a dark world a few steps at a time, but still he hadn’t quite reconciled himself to even a temporary stay in this damned constant twilight. He was too loud and full of energy when he wasn’t stuck in bed – not the kind of person who could meekly find his way about a city like Ikebukuro with a white cane or some such. Izaya knew it, and he figured he’d be bored if Shizuo couldn’t go back to being himself. He’d tried to change that at the beginning – the way Shizuo was – and he knew now as Shizuo had back then that such a thing wasn’t right for either of them.

Shizuo wondered about the colors in that little room, and Izaya explained them to him. Nothing special, he said, but then he took the liberty of explaining the entire layout of the apartment – the furniture, and, yes, the colors. Shizuo still hoped he’d be able to see it with his own eyes soon, but even if – a difficult thought, but becoming less so a little at a time – even if he never could, it might be alright. The flea’s way of seeing things was right to the point, it seemed, which suited an informant. Shizuo wasn’t the type to get overly sentimental about little things, either, so he could deal with that view for himself as well. His other senses were stronger already, and that would make up for whatever else he might miss.

For example – the leisurely scent of spring coming, and the now-familiar stride of Izaya making his way down the hallway. His fingers healed, he was able to feel expressions on the informant’s face – only when they had those little moments, of course. Another thing he wondered about – what sort of expression did Izaya look at him with the rest of the time?

Which was something he didn’t ask – too sentimental, too blunt. Not, of course, that they didn’t say a lot of blunt things to each other. It was just, you know, a bit embarrassing. They didn’t exchange many words of love – the word had barely come between them, if at all. Shizuo was certain that he, at least, hadn’t said anything like that. It was better off implicit, anyway.

Again, just for now. Because hate couldn’t become a word like that too quickly. A roll of the die, a flip of a coin, life dealing you a royal flush – that was all too fast for Shizuo and Izaya. They flipped a hundred coins, ate a hundred or more meals together, and each one – heads or tails, win or lose – brought them a little closer to the other side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something for the end. This time, at least, I can resist the urge to write any sort of sequel. (Heh.) Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
